Can You Hack Online Dating? (To Make It Work For You)
Amy Webb was in her 30s and single. It seemed she would be single for the rest of her life. Her Grandmother told her that her evenings of Netflix-instead-of-whoopie were on account of Amy's overwhelming pickiness.
Amy, being a data-driven person, decided to run spreadsheets and make a points-rating system to help her find the perfect man. Some of her desired second-tier traits for the guy:
- Never married before. No crazed ex-girlfriends either. No children. No insane mother or mother issues.
- Must not be in debt of any kind.
- Head hair: Curly and dark or balding on the top. Stylish balding. No male pattern balding in the back.
- Between 5'10" and 6'2".
Now, we're not complete killjoys; we do understand the humor in this. She even calls these traits "important, but not necessarily deal-breakers."
Yet behind the humor is real intent. It's no mistake that the trait at the top of her top-tier traits (not shown in this graphic) is that the man must be smart. She rated "Smart" at 100 points. Note that she rated "totally devoted to me" and "Has a positive outlook on life" as each being half as important as being smart. (That is her personal choice. But for The Dating Gurus, we feel that should be flipped around the other way.)
How unrealistic was Amy? When men or women hit their 30s, they need to expect that the pool of suitable partners includes a large number of people who have been married or been in long-term relationships before. The alternative is almost worse. If you want to date a 34 year-old person who has never been married or in a long-term, married-like relationship before, are you prepared to help school that person in the ways of a long-term relationship?
How does this story end? Amy did eventually find a guy who fit all of her rigid definitions of a mate. He proposed to her in Petra, Jordan, they got married, and soon after, had a daughter whom they named Petra.
Good ending to the story, but we still can't help but think that her Grandmother was right.