Recently, The Dating Gurus discussed the top reasons why a girl can't find a boyfriend. We didn't want the usual advice which, in being overly kind, ends up giving absolutely no useable advice. We feel it only fair to warn you that this one is written from the male perspective. You many not like what you read. But it's the truth for the majority of men, and they keep telling us, over and over.
Ready? Hold your breath:
No, we don't like the word "fat". Yes, we find women beautiful in all shapes and sizes. But it's a brutal process when guys are on the dating sites. Here's exactly how it works, according to our readers:
- The guy browses thumbnail pictures. Thumbnails being tiny, they don't offer a lot of visual information about the girl. A majority of the girls look pretty good. So, you're in the running now! Woo hoo!
- The guy clicks on the girl. Her profile comes up.
- The guy looks only at the pictures.
- If you're fat, he clicks away--without even reading your profile.
Did you catch that last part? Because that does happen to be earth-shattering news. Contrary to what the chick mags and sites tell you about compensating for weight with personality, it just ain't so. The guy won't even get to your scintillating personality.
Some girls try trickery. On sites like OK Cupid, pictures come up in a long vertical column. Many fat girls take a head shot looking upward. This position stretches the skin back on the face and conceals thick necks.
They place this photo first and a few other head shots below it. Then, as the photos progress downward, they progressively show the body. The last photo shows the whole package in the interests of disclosure, you know.
Guys either: a.) See through the ruse; or b.) Get angry when they make a date with you and find you to be substantially different in size than what they expected.
Solutions? Being heavy doesn't mean you'll never have a boyfriend. It's more a question of how much you want to work to get a boyfriend:
- If you want the adoration of many men, then you've got to lose weight, simple as that. Being height/weight appropriate instantly expands the pool of potential boyfriends.
- If you're okay with the pool of men being smaller and with you taking the initiative and with you working a bit harder, then you can overcome weight issues.
Even though this is the 21st century, lots of women mysteriously believe in the age-old tradition of laying back and waiting for the man to make the first move. Wrong.
Passivity is one of the two mistakes women make when online dating.
Making the first move on a guy is one of those win-win deals:
- Win: You greatly expand the pool of men.
- Win: You don't "suffer" from the perceived stigma of the girl making the first move--because there is no such stigma. We go into this in depth in the two linked articles above.
Your Dating Profile Sucks
Now that the guy has vetted your photos, he's looking at you--the inner you, as represented by your online dating profile.
You might be a great person, but you're just not showing it in your profile. In reviewing hundreds of dating profiles, we find few people who can write truly good profiles. Even if you're a top-notch writer, that doesn't necessarily translate to the online dating world.
Seek help from professionals who deal with dating profiles all the time.
You Try For the Wrong Guys
It's a human tendency to want more than our share. We have the sturdy 10 year-old car, but we want the sports car. We have the nice house, but we want the oceanfront mansion with the six-car garage.
It's natural that a girl would want a guy who looks better and has a better job than what we're accustomed to in our own circles. It's called upward mobility, or in dating guru lingo, "Trading Up" .
But you need some currency--some method of payment, and we're not talking cash--to move upward. We see this represented in the extreme when the 80 year-old billionaire marries the 25 year-old girl. What's her form of currency? Youth and hot looks.
Unless you can offer up a method of payment, there will be an unbridgeable gap.
So, you can either:
- Offer a "bridge," such as looks, youth, or amazingly fun lifestyle. In a few cases with women, wealth can be the bridge.
- Recognize and accept the circle that you live in. Your boyfriend will come from this circle. Don't aim too high, yet don't aim to low, either.
You Lead with your "Easy-Ness"
We didn't mention one other method of payment. Even if you're not hot, young, or fun, you can always offer yourself as incredibly easy.
We see this all the time: women whose dating profiles or pictures almost resemble escort service ads.
It's one way to break out of your circle and go higher--usually lower--because your form of currency is hot, unbridled action.
It's one way to get a date or two, but not the best way to get and keep a boyfriend.