The Beta Male's Guide to Online Dating

It sucks being a beta male.  But if you're gonna do it, do it right.  Here are tips on dating while beta:

1.  Post Hover Hands Pictures on Your Profile

Image © TheHoverHand.com

"Oh my God.  These women are gorgeous!  I got forced into taking a picture with them.  But I'm terrified of touching them!"

Show your true virgin colors and post your hover hands photos on your dating profile.

2.  Let Her Decide Things

Once you make contact, you need to be indecisive.  Let her decide!  Girls just love it when the man--male, guy, whatever you are--throws the decision in their laps.  You win extra points by saying things like, "I'm easy-going" or "I'm flexible--whatever you decide is fine by me."

3.  Bravely List Favorite Activities

Image: CC-Licensed; Wikimedia Commons

Girls are turned on when they hear that you love to do things like:

• Sword collecting.
• Neckbeard-growing.
• Fedora-wearing.
• Go-kart-racing.
• Paintball-gun-shooting.
• Porn-watching.

4.  Dress Awesomely

Image: CC-Licensed; Wikimedia Commons

Women are touched when they see you dressed nerd-like.  Be sure to wear your Dockers, Rockports, and permanent press dress shirts.  You'll get lots of sympathy sex, for sure!

5. Confess That You Are In Awe of Her

You've heard of hard to get?  Well, we think you should take the opposite tack.  Right after your first date, send her a text or e-mail saying,

Hey,

Just wanted you to know that I found you to be the most beautiful woman I've ever met.  I want to go out with you again.  How about next week, same time and place?

XXXXOOOXXXOOO

Me!

P.S.  And be sure not to go out with anyone else in the meantime.  We're committed now!