We're just like you.  We connected through an online dating service--OK Cupid, to be exact.  Our first date was at a fun Seattle tapas-and-sangria bar.  We fell in love.  We are engaged to be married.  We know that you, too, can find love.  Let us help you.

Swallow the Purple Pill:  What Are Men REALLY Looking For?  (4 Answers Women Will HATE)

Swallow the Purple Pill: What Are Men REALLY Looking For? (4 Answers Women Will HATE)

Van Heusen Spanking Ad Put on your seat belts, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.  Anyone not ready for this can exit at the terminal.

What you will read here runs contrary to everything you have learned (i.e., been propagandized) over the last several decades by mainstream media, those so-called qualities that men are supposed to value in women, which are palatable to the World At Large, will not offend, and which fit neatly into any one of those Top 17 Things That Attract The Man Of Your Dreams! articles:  smart, brains, aggressive, great job, loves guy activities, ugg, blech...  Wake me up when it's over.

I call it The Purple Pill.  In the world of men's relationship advice, there is a school of thought that delineates those men who are clueless about women (Blue Pill) with those who have finally woken up and experienced that aromatic smell of coffee and now have an inkling of women's desires (Red Pill).  No man, not even the most ardent Red Piller, will claim to know women; that's pure hubris, and the minute you claim this, your wax wings will melt and you will fall.

Women who have a clue are called Purple Pill.  They know that men are attracted to a woman who looks feminine and attractive rather than a woman wearing UGG boots, baggy-in-the-ass sweatpants, and a backwards-turned cap.  They know that men, on the whole, do prefer longer, lusher hair vs. short Manic Pixie Dream Girl hair.  And that's just one example.  Here are more.

1.  Femininity

Within the world of straight men and women, what men seek are women who are women:  women who have qualities that identify them as women.  This collection of traits is otherwise known as femininity.

When you cut your hair; wear curve-erasing sweatpants; don those frigging awful baseball caps (which should be worn not even by men, only by professional outfielders); claim, true or not, to love sharing guy activities, such as watching The Big Game On Sunday; shave one side of your head Skrillex-style; or be so brazen that you make the women of The View seem polite and unassuming:  any time you do that, you take yourself one step closer to masculinity, and one step farther away from what we find attractive.

Core stuff, this.  Understanding what feminine is--and really, I find it a shifting target, too--is at the heart of what it means to attract men.  Femininity is not wearing Laura Ashley dresses.  It's not pink.  It's not fanning yourself with a lace handkerchief and fainting on the couch.  It's about accentuating qualities about yourself that men do not--and cannot--have.  For men, that other world will always be a mystery.  The gulf between us and you can be said to be at the heart of attraction between men and women.

2.  Submissiveness

Submission runs the gamut.  On one end are those traditionally religious couples--we're not naming any names--where the man decides everything from A to Z:  how she wears her hair, the precise temperature of the scrambled eggs.

Then you've also got quasi-sexual relationships where the woman, God forbid, wears a collar, cooks dinner while leashed up, and acts as a table for her man's beer.

At the other end, it's something as simple as deferring to the man not in all areas but in key areas.  Should you let him decide if you go on to get a PhD?  No.  But submitting to him when you're on a first date and you're both interested in changing venues is an intoxicating, attraction-building event for him.

The word "submit" raises red flags with women.  If it creeps you out, transpose it in your mind:  "being flexible" or "not always being the one who makes the final decision."  Does that sound better?

3.  Sexuality

This millenia-old ritual of men and women doing online dating, meeting for coffee, going out, flirting, and everything else associated with the congress of men and women is about one thing:

Producing new humans.

Gasp.  Sex and the reproduction of the species (humans, that is) has become so detached with the mating ritual that we have forgotten that this drives everything.  This innate need to propagate the species is the fire behind everything.

Once you understand this, you'll understand why women devoid of sexuality get fewer dates, less male attraction.  It's not enough to be pretty, either.  It is so paradoxical to see women who are "pretty" but exude zero sexuality.  "Pretty" means that you look good enough for church.

Some women take this to the other extreme and dial up sexuality until it reaches a sluttiness designed to compensate for other flaws.  One time-worn cliche--at least among the ranks of men--is the Online Dating Site Slut.  Stripped of her 30 piercings and tattoos covering 75% of her body and her profile's intimations about a certain sexual looseness:  stripped of all of that is a woman most men would never look at, even on a desert island.  Those things--the tats, the piercings, all that--are fine if they work in concert with the rest of the woman, but not when they are meant to fill a gaping void.

4.  Level Headedness and Strength

Men's perception is that it's so rare to find a woman who thinks straight, logically, and with a level head that it's a wasteland of bimbos out there.

Men are not surprised at all when women go slightly crazy under pressure and--metaphorically--run around in circles while fluttering their hands.  We're hardly phased by it, because it's what we have come to expect.  Emotional is the default mode, the norm.

Fair?  Probably not, especially because women's easier access to emotions is one thing that men value about women.

When we meet a woman who has a cool head, fortitude, and strength, it's like a breath of fresh air.  You instantly distinguish yourself from other women.

It's not about suppressing emotions; it's about keeping emotions in check, not letting yourself be controlled by your emotions.

Interested in reading the female perspective on all this? Check out How To Become The "Perfect" Girlfriend  (The Female Perspective That May Surprise You)


OkCupid: Review of the Free Dating Site You Love to Hate, and Can't Leave

OkCupid: Review of the Free Dating Site You Love to Hate, and Can't Leave

No Trophy For Showing Up:  Find Pressure Points That Will Help You Change

No Trophy For Showing Up: Find Pressure Points That Will Help You Change