Currently circulating in Internet viral circles is a video of a man tearfully begging his girlfriend not to leave him. He delivered the video to her privately, but she was kind-hearted enough to pass it around to her friends, and the friends began passing it around to other friends. Before long, this poor, sniveling chap had an audience of millions. Thanks, ex-girlfriend! A few of his immortal words:
I...love you, I love you babe, you the only girl I love, the only girl I truly love. You the only girl I've cried for.
Maybe he's the worst person on earth and deserves a public shaming; we don't know. But we'll tell you that his behavior is an extreme example of what not to do when your girlfriend says she wants to break up.
All the tears and pleading and claims of hurt will not make her love you again if she has fallen out of love with you. Tears and pleading may sometimes bring her back temporarily—because she feels guilty or feels sorry for you--but they will not win her back. The reconciliation will be short. As soon as she gets over feeling bad for you, she will drop you again.
But getting a "Dear John" text, email, phone call, letter or any other missive saying that she wants to break up with you does not instantly spell the end of a relationship:
Is This a Mistake?
First, clear up any obvious misunderstandings. If this seems too much like TV sit-com material, it's not. We can guarantee that relationships have broken up over pure misunderstandings.
Was that your car she saw parked at the local Happy Fingers Massage Palace? No, that was someone else's car that looks exactly like yours. Whew, disaster averted. See how easy that was?
Find Out Why
Once you've cleared up the easy stuff, find out why she wants to break up. While it may be painful to hear, it's really a win-win deal for you.
Win: you might be able to revive your relationship based on what you hear. After all, guys have been known to do things to sabotage their relationships.
Failing a relationship revival, you can use this information to improve yourself for your next relationship.
Try to Win Her Back?
"Win her back" is a misnomer. If she is truly gone, she's gone. She might have fallen out of love with you, fallen in love with someone else, or just decided that being alone is preferable to being with you. In any case, it's a done deal.
But sometimes a woman will give the appearance of being gone, while inwardly hoping that the relationship can be fixed. In this case, you'll take the information gained in the previous step and work on your relationship.
Say Goodbye and Separate
Can't be fixed? For your own sake, you've got to sever it quickly and move on.
A formal "goodbye" isn't necessary, but it's the big thing to do—for yourself. It can help lessen your feelings of being the aggrieved party. After you separate, make it final. Don't go back, don't try to "win her back," because she's already lost.