Profile Critique/Re-Write: Female from PlentyOfFish
We know, we know...it isn't professional for us to break out in belly laughs when we see issues with profile pics and narratives. But even though we've seen it all, every now and then someone has such a goofy dating profile that we can't help ourselves. And since this profile is full of many of the same mistakes that we frequently encounter, we thought our readers would like to give it a gander, followed by some re-write suggestions.
Does the Medium Match The Message?
Look, if you're someone whose physicality typically gets you a lot of attention, there is the understandable temptation to attract others based on your obvious physical attributes. We are the first to admit that even the most witty, intelligent and well thought out profile narratives will not win over your dating audience if your pictures are bad.
However, when your stated goals (seeking a partner for a long-term relationship or marriage) don't match your visuals (semi-nude partying pics), it gets confusing! All of us scan pics first, and then skim profile narratives, and then read more in-depth if we like what we see.
Case in point, Tropical Trish (all names are changed), a 28 year old well-endowed mother of two has a profile headline on PlentyofFish, screaming, "Sick of wasting time and energy!" In addition to this glaringly defensive introduction, Trish posts an extremely revealing photo where she is busting out of her T-shirt, along with a series of poses in a tiny-weeny bikini. She throws in some headshots, but those seem kind of erroneous after all that skin.
If you have a great bod, by all means, show your shape and some skin, but subtlety works wonders by suggesting that there is more to discover, without actually appearing to be throwing your attributes around, practically inviting a hookup. Instead, try using 2 head shots and a full body shot in a sexy tank, T-shirt or sundress that leaves something to the imagination.
Clarify Your Intentions
If Trish was looking for short-term fun, or a hook-up, her pics would do the trick. However, in her profile, Trish describes herself as marriage-minded, only to chastise the men who are responding to her attention-grabbing pictures. If you want a serious minded partner, then present yourself in a serious and consistent not in the negative, chastising way profile narrative below:
"I have to voice some frustrations about some of these "fish" on here. First and foremost, I am shocked at how many DO NOT want anything serious. Although, I value honesty aren't there other sites for some of these crazy inquires and messages I'm getting? It's baffling to me especially when they say they want to get to know me. No you don't. My profile says "wants to find someone to marry', however, that absolutely doesn't mean I want to rush things. FYI, my standards are high and tolerance for BS is very low. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than to be in a fake relationship and not treated with respect and like a lady. The half naked pictures throw me for a loop too! Don't get me wrong, some of you are very nice to look at...but I keep it moving at that point even if it says you're seeking a relationship. I dunno, call me old fashioned I guess. Unfortunately, I MUST make these announcements...ridiculous I need to but completely necessary. I have to say if you can't address me like a lady and show respect, I'm definitely not responding. Also, if you don't give it any thought...I'm probably not responding either. I'll surely toss your message in the trash for making sexual innuendos/remarks to me or better yet a damn picture. What in the world do some of you wake up and eat to be this dumb to think those things are okay? You can call me a B* but in reality I'm a woman who knows what I want and how I deserve to be treated (and I will not tolerate anything other than that)! :)"
I travel often to the Tampa area a good bit for work lately.. I'm a single mother of two wonderful little girls, of whom are my world! I have a crazy puppy that my eldest conned me into getting but she is awesome too! Ha. I've enjoyed the medical field and used to volunteer as an EMT assistant. I've dabbled a little in acting, modeling and enjoy it very much. I'm more of a home body because I can't stand the fake stuff and drama from going out. I work nights but only 2-4 nights a week, I try to stay home with my family as much as possible. I love coffee, great wine, delicious non-greasy food, dancing, running around in sweats and tank around my house. I love watching movies or curling up with a book. I enjoy music of all genres, it relaxes me! I'm a great friend and mother. I'd do anything for my kids and true close friends especially considering I have the biggest heart ever. However, I will handle business and have no problem voicing my opinion when I'm/my kids/my loved ones are wronged or hurt. I value honesty and sincerity (Point blank, PERIOD)
The Dating Gurus Re-Write for Trish:
Your profile name and headline should never, ever lead with the negative. Instead, Tropical Trish should replace her existing dating byline with something less defensive and more positive like, "Not your ordinary girl", or "Mermaid looking for Sailor" and then elaborate in the following ways:
As much as I love to dance and get together with friends for drinks, I tend to limit my visits to the whole club scene, since I'd rather get to know a guy in a place we could actually hear each other to have a conversation.
Since I'm a mom to two wonderful little girls, I balance things by working part-time, which gives me plenty of time to enjoy my family, since i'm kind of a home-body, and also gives me time to train our adorable new puppy my eldest conned me into getting! I'm definitely more into healthy eating than fast food, and you'll sometimes find me curled up with a good book (I recently finished a fantastic spy novel), or watching a show on Netflix show (just finished Glow).
I've done a little dabbling with modeling and acting, and used to volunteer as an EMT assistant. I'm a loyal and fierce friend with a big heart, have learned from the school of hard knocks how to take care of myself, and will have your back when needed. In return, I appreciate the same loyalty. It should go without saying that trust is a huge deal for me, as I'm sure it is for you.
I'm looking for a serious long term relationship, leading eventually to marriage. This doesn't mean that I'm ready to leap into marriage, and want to enjoy dating and getting to know you for a long time. Please also note that I'm not looking for a quick hook-up, so don't send me quick one-line messages or send me half-naked pics. I promise you that I won't respond to these type of messages. If all this is appealing to you, and you think you'd like to have a conversation, drop me a line".
By nixing the entire first few paragraphs, where Trish shares her extraordinarily negative and hostile dating worldview, she tears down the neon roadblocks, and actually invite readers to check out her profile. While Trish isn't for everyone, she might attract some guys that appreciate both her bodacious body, and her focus on family and loyalty.