We're just like you.  We connected through an online dating service--OK Cupid, to be exact.  Our first date was at a fun Seattle tapas-and-sangria bar.  We fell in love.  We are engaged to be married.  We know that you, too, can find love.  Let us help you.

Follow These 10 OKCupid Messaging Tips & Increase Your Chances of Getting a Date

Follow These 10 OKCupid Messaging Tips & Increase Your Chances of Getting a Date

After researching the habits of slightly over 100 men messaging one woman on OK Cupid for over one month, we came to a startling conclusion:

The vast majority of men--roughly 90%--have no clue or vaguely any clue about the best way to contact a woman on OK Cupid in order to get a reply., and thus a date.

Men, let that chilling statement settle in the cockles of your loins for just a moment.  While you may think you are not included in that group, remember that we said "vast majority," meaning that in a group of 10 men, it is unlikely that you will be the one man who possesses dank game.

Because statistically you are one of those nine men, this is what you are doing wrong (and how to walk it back to a right conclusion):

1.  You Are Sending a Second Message Before Getting a Reply To the First Message

Simply put, if you send up a test balloon and get nothing back, you should not send up a second one.  Besides making you look desperate, it makes no sense.  

2.  You Are Online All the Time

The woman logs onto OK Cupid and sees that KushMan95, who messaged her, is online.  A day later, she logs on:  KushMan95 is online.  And again and again.  It begins to look like you have no other life, which is not a good thing if you want to break into the dating world.

3.  You Are Sending Short Messages Like "Hey," "Whassup?" or "How're You Doing?"

At best, these are feature-less, personality-less messages that give the woman's mind nothing to grab onto.  At worst, they feel like the same two-word garbage messages you sent out to the other 85 woman that night.

4. You Send Canned Pickup Lines

Pickup lines are immediately obvious and they sound just so wrong:  "There must be something wrong with my phone.  It doesn't have your number on it."  Ugh.

5.  You Do Not Have a Profile With a Photo of Yourself

Every profile with a gray silhouette in place of a photo gets ignored.  

6.  Your Message Has Sexual Innuendos

Any kind of sexual mention, overt or implicit, during the messaging phase--or in your profile--will get you disqualified by nearly all women.  Just leave it out; it's that easy.

7. Your First Message Does Not Refer To Her Profile

You know those web form boxes that ask you to type in a code so that the site know that "You Are Not a Bot"?  This is similar.  You do not need to pour it on thick.  Just mention one thing from her profile so that she knows you actually looked at it.  Try to make it an intelligent comment, with zero snark.

8.  You Give Out Too Much Personal Information Right Off the Bat

We see this a lot with older men.  It could be that they do not understand this online dating thing.  It could be that, with so few years left in their lives they just want to carpe diem and press the pedal to the metal.  But when a guy sends a first message with a name, e-mail address, and even, God forbid, a phone number, that is grounds for instant disqualification.

9.  You Use Words of "Endearment"

While not very endearing at all, these are words like:  dear, honey, precious, babe, baby, angel.

10.  You Have Photos of You Shirtless

This one was the most puzzling.  We would click on the profile of a guy who wrote a decent, enticing message, thinking:  "Here's a good one!"  But we would find a picture of him posing shirtless (and usually muscle-less), which really isn't enticing at all.





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