It's a common complaint: "I can't keep a boyfriend." As if this is some cosmic mystery. True that you'll never entirely know what another person is thinking. Long-standing relationships sometimes break up because one party goes out for a pack of cigarettes and never comes back--no explanation.
But for the most part, there are solid reasons why. Separate the solid reasons from those wispy woo-woo cosmic reasons, and you just might be able to hold onto a boyfriend for more than 60 days:
1. You're Flaky
Are you on that eternal search for perfection? What's your taste for the "perfect male?" Chris Hemsworth? Ryan Gosling? Hugh Jackman?
Give it up. They are illusions.
They're not perfect. Any guy you meet online isn't perfect. And guess what, you're not perfect, either.
It's a process of bargaining; a trade-off, your flaws for his. You just want to make sure that you're not getting the short end of the stick, thinking that your sloppy domestic habits are fair trade for his cheating and drug use.
2. You're Not Provocative Enough
Guys need to be provoked for their interest to stay high. By provocative, we're not talking lingerie and sappy sexy stuff.
There is a grab bag of possible ways to provoke, but here are a few:
- Remaining true to your nature and not completely merging into his personality.
- Bringing new ideas into the relationship and being open to his.
- Not being a pushover.
- Playful verbal sparring.
3. You Have "Changed"
When you met him, you looked damn good. Maybe you also acted a certain way--the honey that attracts the bee.
That's how you got him in the first place. Now it's sweatpants, Ugg boots, and bug-eye sunglasses (all three of which men hate, by the way).
Have you changed? Not exactly.
What you likely did is, before meeting him, re-purposed yourself into something svelte, fashionable, and sexy. As soon as you got the guy, you dropped all of that.
So, you have only two choices:
- Change yourself back to what you were before meeting him and stay that way; or
- Declare to him that this is you--Ugg Boot Girl--and he needs to accept it.
He's feeling friction between the Before You and the After You. Help him reconcile that friction.